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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916897">U Is For Undercover</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai'>SK_Kasai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lucifer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Chloe Decker Finds Out, F/M, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Wing Reveal, POV Chloe, Protective Chloe Decker, Self-Harm, Wings, as in Lucifer and how he kept cutting his wings off, because I think that should really be adressed more</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:35:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Just… don’t cut them off.” Chloe whispered at last, “Don’t hurt yourself. Please, Lucifer.”</p><p>“I can’t.” He shook his head, “Detective, you don’t understand. They’re not a part of me anymore.”</p><p>“They’re still… connected to you. You’ll still bleed if you cut them off. It will still hurt."</p><p>“What’s a little pain to someone like the devil, Detective?”</p><p>He was smiling, almost as though that last statement was meant to reassure her.</p><p>“It wasn’t a little pain.” She argued, “I was afraid you were going to die!”</p><p>“No one asked you to be!” Lucifer fired back, “No one asked you to care for me or to… to love me! If you knew what was good for you, Detective, you’d leave me and you’d never look back.”</p><p>“Is that what you really think?”</p><p>At his small nod, Chloe felt something break inside of her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654774</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>430</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>U Is For Undercover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! Hope you've been doing well these past few... tough... months.</p><p>For this prompt, please don't focus on the "case" too much. This already got too long before I added more details to that, so I thought I'd focus more on why I'm writing this.</p><p>As in... I keep thinking that someone should have adressed Lucifer cutting his wings off <i>more</i>. Probably not Chloe... but this is what fanfiction is for, right?</p><p>I hope you like it!</p><p>Credit for this prompt goes to frckica.</p><p><b> TRIGGER WARNING: self harm </b> (it's nothing more than Lucifer cutting his wings, but there's a lot of discussing about it in some parts). Stay safe, please.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Look at <em>my wife!</em>” Lucifer grinned, wagging his eyebrows at the man currently handing them a rusty key.</p><p>Chloe gave him the most "loving" look she could muster, waiting for them to reach their room before she throttled him. She put her thoughts about harming Lucifer out of her head for now, looping an arm with his and kissing his cheek.</p><p>Lucifer <em>blushed. </em>Serves him right.</p><p>The blonde at the table was already back to scrolling through his phone, uninterested.</p><p>“Lucifer!” She laughed, wacking his arm as he placed their bags on the floor, "Why?"</p><p>“I’m just showing you off, darling.” Lucifer smirked, wagging his eyebrows, “Mind you, this is a terrible place to spend the night with <em>my wife,</em> but oh well… As long as we are together, am I right?”</p><p>“Lucifer…” She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Why are we even posing as a couple?” He wondered, “Do you seriously expect me to not have fun with this now that we are?”</p><p>“The killer might be the person owning the motel, Lucifer. That's what Jones said. The last two crime scenes were owned by the same person too.” She whispered, looking around the room nervously, “We took the case from Jones and we're... suitable for this. A couple crashing here for the night is the least suspicious scenario I could think of on such a short notice.”</p><p>“Perhaps you just want to enjoy my company for an extended period of time during this lovely mission, Detective.”</p><p>“You wish.” She snorted, giggling when he<em> pouted</em> at her.</p><p>Lucifer winced when he bent down to get something out of his duffel bag.</p><p>"Are you okay?"</p><p>"Apparently, I'm married to <em>you, </em>my dear, so I'd say I'm doing more than okay."</p><p>He was not going to let this go. Chloe glared at him. Lucifer just grinned like the idiot he was. It made him look amazing (not that anything mad him look bad). He was currently dressed in loose fitting, dark jeans, a black shirt, and a simple, white hoodie and he looked... wow. It must have been illegal. Chloe wasn't sure if she should be glad that she managed to convince him to wear this instead of one of his regular suits.</p><p>No one wearing a suit like that would crash here, but did he seriously have to look like that?</p><p>Focus on the mission, Decker.</p><p>The “mission” was simple. Spend the night in a tiny, dirty, one story motel room. Watch the rooms opposite to them. If anyone comes for who they guessed <em>might</em> be the next victim in their current case, then that’s their killer. It was a slim shot but it was all they had.</p><p>If not, then she’s going to spend the night listening to Lucifer’s annoying ramblings and nothing more.</p><p>Easy.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*cries in Deckerstar*</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Chloe should have known that going undercover like this with Lucifer Morningstar of all people was not going to end well.</p><p>She sort of did.</p><p>However, she’d never imagined that it would end like <em>this.</em></p><p>“Lucifer.” She groaned, nudging him with her foot, “You need to focus.”</p><p>“Oh.” He blinked in the darkness, shaking his head to clear it, “Apologies, Detective.” He mumbled.</p><p>Was he sleepy?</p><p>They’d been huddled by the window of their “bedroom” for hours, watching everything happening across the yard. The smell of a multitide of bad things she didn't want to think about seemed strong in the air. Outisde, the darkness was so intense that they might have as well been blind. The only light source was a miserable, flickering LED sign with the motel's name on it. It wasn’t even a high profile case or anything. </p><p>Maybe this would be their break in the case.</p><p>The problem was Lucifer. He was annoying her. That wasn’t really out of the ordinary for him, but this particular type of annoyance was out of the ordinary for her partner.</p><p>He was <em>quiet.</em></p><p>
  <em>Lucifer Morningstar was being quiet.</em>
</p><p>He’d hardly said a word for the past few hours. It didn’t matter what she said or did. Lucifer didn’t look like he was listening to her in the first place.</p><p>She should’ve been happy. His silence was preferable when it came to things like this, right? But she wasn’t. As a matter of fact, Chloe was miserable.</p><p>She was worried about him.</p><p>“Hey, did something happen?” She asked, keeping her eyes focused on the house outside, “With your family… I know I say this a lot, Lucifer, but you can talk to me.”</p><p>Would he ever talk to her?</p><p>Would he ever stop saying that she wouldn’t understand? Would he ever allow her to help instead of pushing her away and drowning in whatever was going on with him at the time?</p><p>Lucifer didn’t answer her.</p><p>She sighed, anger bubbling up in her chest. Lucifer had never blatantly ignored her like this before.</p><p>And for what?</p><p>Maybe it was a sign. The millionth sign the universe was giving her. She and Lucifer were good at being partners; at solving crimes together. Perhaps that didn’t extend to the more… intimate parts of partnership. </p><p>It was better like that. For everyone. Right?</p><p>Chloe was trying her hardest to get herself to believe that, but an odd, persistant ache in her chest worked relentlessly to foil every single attempt to stop herself from thinking of the man next to her as… <em>more.</em></p><p>“You know, it’s okay to not want to talk sometimes.” She rolled her eyes, “You’re being rude though, Lucifer. That isn’t exactly unlike you, but-”</p><p>
  <em>Thump.</em>
</p><p>In the darkness, it was a bit hard to tell what happened. They couldn’t really risk turning on the light though. It was what… two in the morning? </p><p>“Lucifer?”</p><p>Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness in a way, but her heart still lurched when she felt him move beside her.</p><p>“Oh, I apologize again, Detective.” Lucifer groaned, trying to get up, “My head is all… strange. I don’t understand what’s happening to me.”</p><p>She hadn’t seen him drink much more than usual. Besides, despite how he drank scotch and bourbon like they were water, Chloe had never seen Lucifer actually drunk before. (the incident with the whole “homeless magician” look was the closest she’d ever come to soemthing like that. He hadn’t sounded like this though and he hadn’t fallen to the ground).</p><p>“How much did you have to drink?” The annoyance she worked hard to keep in her voice was ruined by the clear concern shining in her words. She moved to help him get up. “This isn’t just a fun night out, Lucifer. When did you even have the time to do that? We actually have a job to do and-”</p><p>Lucifer screamed.</p><p>He<em> screamed.</em></p><p>She’d never heard him scream like that either.</p><p>Suddenly, everything outside this horrible, tiny room evaporated from Chloe’s head. She jumped to her feet and closed the flimsy curtains as tightly as possible before running to the opposite side of the room to switch the flickering light on.</p><p>If that looked suspicious from the outside… Well, her partner was writhing on the floor. Chloe had to deal with that before anything else.</p><p>“Lucifer!”</p><p>Was he poisoned? Sick? Injured?</p><p>He looked in pain. He was pale and sweaty. A few strands of his hair had broken away from the confines of the copious amounts of product he used to keep them tamed. They were impossibly curly, falling to his eyes and sticking to his forehead with sweat.</p><p>His hands were fisted as he struggled to breathe deeply, eyes snapped shut. Lucifer was curled on his side on the dirty floor, trembling.</p><p>“Lucifer! Where are you hurt?”</p><p>Her training kicked in. She scanned him for injuries, preparing to call an ambulance. He’d been fine all evening! He’d bantered with her about vending machine snacks for over an hour on their way here. What happened?</p><p>“I’m not hurt, Detective.” He groaned, “I just… I suppose I must have cut too d-deep this morning. Ah!”</p><p>He was breathing heavily, clawing at the carpet. Chloe was fearing the worst. She couldn't see any visible injuries on him. The moment she touched his back to try and get him to talk to her, Chloe could tell what was wrong.</p><p>It hadn’t been apparent before. Not in the darkness around them and certainly not with his dark waistcoat. There was no mistaking the red liquid currently coating her hands though. So, that annoying metallic smell had been...?</p><p>“What happened?” She asked, already moving to unbutton his waistcoat.</p><p>“Detective, i-if you wanted to… to get my clothes off, y-you could have just… asked,     darling.”</p><p>Right. Of course. Some things never change.</p><p>This was a good thing though.</p><p>Getting the expensive waistcoat off of him was a struggle. Lucifer was hardly moving. He seemed to be out of it. Was he even with her?</p><p>Considering the fact that Lucifer was allergic to someone actually taking care of him, that seemed unlikely. His eyes would open just the tiniest bits every few seconds or so. Groans or whimpers escaped his lips. Sometimes, he even managed to get full sentences out. That was usually accompanied by him trying to squirm away from her hands.</p><p>Chloe wouldn’t let him. She was done with seeing him hurt.</p><p>“Detective, just go.”</p><p>“And leave you here to bleed out?” She snapped furiously, “Why didn’t you tell me you were injured? How were you even injured?”</p><p>“It’s fine!” Lucifer grunted, “Must’ve cut too… deep this morning. Maybe D-Dad decided to punish me more?” He laughed.</p><p>“Your Father did this to you?”</p><p>“It’s his fault.” Lucifer shook his head, “But I cut them off myself, D-Detective.”</p><p>“Cut them off?”</p><p>“My wings.” He clarified, finally managing to get away from her. He crawled to the wall, blinking furiously, shaking and trembling.</p><p>What did that mean?</p><p>Something to do with scars on his back?</p><p>Had… Wait, did Lucifer…? What did he do exactly? Flay his own skin off? Get rid of his scars?</p><p>Chloe hated every second of this.</p><p>“Detective, if you could l-leave?”</p><p>“Are you seriously still on about that?” Chloe sighed, wondering if she should just pin him to the floor and cut his shirt off, “I’m not leaving you, Lucifer. Not in your dreams.”</p><p>“Touching.” He smirked, “Really though… you make me v-vulnerable, remember?”</p><p>“Get back here.” She ordered, “What does that have to do with anything?”</p><p>“Just go for an hour or so and I’ll be all healed!”</p><p>He was driving her crazy with how he alternated between talking like he normally did and hardly managing to get anything out. Lucifer seemed to be suffering the same struggle. He was acting as though bleeding out was something that he had no experience with.</p><p>Knowing him and his delusions, that was what he probably thought.</p><p>“Lucifer, stop moving!”</p><p>She was half-tempted to sit on top of him, but she feared harming him. Why was he so<em> tall</em> in the first place? Chloe sighed and pinned him down by his arms, not sure if she should count the way he froze and succumbed to her ministrations as a victory or not.</p><p>She pried the soaked waistcoat off of him and tossed it to the corner, wincing at the amount of blood on her hands. When she turned and saw the back of his fine, blue dress-shirt though…</p><p>Chloe could have thrown up. She was a homicide detective, but<em> still.</em></p><p>While the front of the shirt was blue, the back of it was almost black with blood. Suddenly, the metallic tang in the air was enough to make her gag.</p><p>There was no time to panic. She needed to focus.</p><p>“I’m calling an ambulance.”</p><p>“You can’t!” Lucifer exclaimed, eyes flying open, “Detective, no! I won’t go! You c-can’t make me!”</p><p>He was on the verge of… hyperventilating? She’d gotten used to Lucifer’s mood swings in the past few years, but this was too much.</p><p>“Okay.” She hesitated, “Okay. Lucifer, calm down. Stop. I’m not calling an ambulance. I’m not calling anyone. Just… calm down.”</p><p>“O-okay, Detective.” He sighed, closing his eyes.</p><p>“I need to get this shirt off you.”</p><p>“Naughty, D-Detective!”</p><p>For the love of…</p><p>Chloe rolled her eyes, trying to figure out what she should do next. Chances were that Lucifer was going to somehow have some sort of energy burst and try to get away from her in a few minutes or so. For now, his eyes were shut again. He seemed to be focusing on his breathing.</p><p>Chloe ran to their pathetic excuse of a room, slamming the few available drawers open and closed in a desperate attempt at finding scissors. When she couldn’t, Chloe settled for one of the knives she managed to find with... with what? Where? Why couldn't she think straight?</p><p>It wasn’t the best or the sharpest, but it would do.</p><p>“Detective!” Lucifer whined, “I… love this shirt!”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, making a large cut near Lucifer’s shoulder. He stopped moving so that was something at least. She began to tear the rest of the shirt off and that’s when she found her next problem.</p><p>The shirt was almost stuck to his back with dried blood. Wonderful.</p><p>“Lucifer, how could you just sit here for hours bleeding out?” She demanded, peeling the shirt off bit by bit, “You could've said something… This looks <em>really </em>bad. We should get you to a hospital.”</p><p>“You said you wouldn’t!”</p><p>“I won’t, but, Lucifer, I don’t know if I’m qualified for something like this…”</p><p>“Which is why you should l-leave, Detective.” Lucifer repeated, “I would’ve left, but the room…”</p><p>“What about the room?”</p><p>“It wouldn’t stop b-bloody spinning!”</p><p>“Blood loss is a thing, Lucifer.”</p><p>“I’m the Devil!”</p><p>Ah. The root of this problem.</p><p>“Stop doing that, Detective…” He mumbled, “Hurts…”</p><p>She stopped pulling at the shirt, turning to check on Lucifer.</p><p>“Stay awake for me, Lucifer.” She demanded, patting his cheek gently, “Come on… Don’t go to sleep.”</p><p>“But, I’m tired…” He muttered, “I dunno why, mind you, but…”</p><p>“<em>Blood loss.</em>” She repeated.</p><p>“But this doesn’t usually happen!” He sounded frustrated. Angry. “I just pass out and wake up all healed with a new pair of bloody wings later at the <em>worst. </em>What’s Dear Old D-Dad planning now? Maybe this means that they’ll stop growing!”</p><p>He was whispering now. Chloe found the grin on his face disturbing. He was rambling and she had no idea what to make of any of it. He passed out regularly?!!</p><p>Should she call Linda? Amenadiel?</p><p>“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”</p><p>“I can think of a few things.” He began, smiling at her, clearly out of it.</p><p>“Might need to stretch first.” Chloe continued, snorting at the memory. She didn’t even realize she said it until it was too late. Had she not busy trying to save her partner, she might have blushed.</p><p>“Detective!”</p><p>Eventually, she managed to toss the tattered shirt aside too. It was about then that Chloe wondered just how upset Lucifer would be if she went ahead and called an ambulance despite her promise. By the looks of it, he was going to pass out any minute.</p><p>She’d thought that his scars looked bad.</p><p>This? Oh, this was an entire new definition for the word “bad” all together.</p><p>“Who did this to you?” She whispered, her fingers hovering above the angry marks.</p><p>Almost exactly where the scars were, Lucifer was sporting two open wounds. They were much more messy and sloppy than his original scars though. Those had looked clean and organized at least. These were surrounded by deep gashes, as if someone kept slicing at his back uselessly until… until what?</p><p>This was torture.</p><p>“Who did this to you?” She demanded.</p><p>“I did, Detective.” Lucifer mumbled, “Already told you that… Not letting Dad control me, remember? ‘M not an angel anymore… shouldn’t have b-bloody wings. I’m gonna keep cutting them off until they stop growing back and Dad leaves me alone…”</p><p>He was doing this to himself. Again. Okay. She needed time to process that. Time and a huge bottle of wine and possibly… what? How could she ever process this?</p><p>This was self-harm.</p><p>Lucifer was doing this to himself.</p><p>Shouldn’t Linda have booked him into an asylum by now? Harm to one’s self was a good enough reason. He was literally bleeding out in order to prove a point to his father.</p><p>Amazing parenting right there. Chloe was going to empty her clip in that asshole’s skull if she ever met him. How do you hurt someone- someone who was your son- enough to warrant <em>this?</em></p><p>“Detective, relax…” Lucifer turned his head towards, giving her what he thought was a reassuring smile. He just looked drowsy and broken. “I’ve done this many, many times… It has never lasted this long, but I think that might be a good thing.”</p><p>“A good thing?” She croaked, not sure if she would address that or address his confession that he did this regularly. </p><p>“Are you even listening to me?” He whined, forehead thumping against the carpet, “I already told you… Maybe He’s getting sick of healing me every day. Maybe this is happening because he’s finally going to stop g-giving me my wings back.”</p><p>She needed Linda. Pronto. For Lucifer and for her own current, crumbling sanity.</p><p>She’d always ignored Lucifer’s delusions. She’d occasionally indulge him or maybe even question him, but she’d never known that it was this bad.</p><p>It wasn’t that Lucifer belonged in a padded cell, it was just that she couldn’t help but think if that was the best for him. She’d been scared, seeing him in that psych ward back during the whole fiasco with “God Johnson”. However, a part of her had been relieved and hopeful.</p><p>Maybe extensive care was what Lucifer needed.</p><p>She was okay with anything as long as he<em> never</em> did this to himself again.</p><p>Chloe realized that she’d been staring, lost in thought, for quite some time now. She didn’t think that Lucifer could die from his wounds, but she wasn’t sure about that either.</p><p>“Lucifer, please let me call an ambulance.”</p><p>“You promised not to!”</p><p>That was before she saw the state of his back!</p><p>“I don’t know if I can clean this up and bandage it on my own, Lucifer.” She sighed, leaning by him and cupping his face with her cold, sweaty hands. “You need professional help. Medical help. I know I said I wouldn’t, but, Lucifer, please…”</p><p>The problem was that breaking a promise like that was a good way to scare him off for good. Lucifer valued nothing more than the truth and keeping promises. How could she have been that stupid?</p><p>Maybe she should just do it. Lucifer always made more than enough exceptions for her. </p><p>“Detective, you don’t have to help me.” He smiled again, his brown eyes fixed on her worried ones, “Truly… supernatural healing, remember?”</p><p>
  <em>“Enough!”</em>
</p><p>She hadn’t meant to yell at him.</p><p>Lucifer was blinking at her, confused. This time, it wasn’t just because of apparent blood loss and possible hypovolemic shock. She closed her own eyes, trying to calm down. Chloe let go of his face and backed away, biting her lip.</p><p>“Detective, you don’t have to be here…” He reminded her, “Sorry if I’ve upset you in any way… You don’t have to take care of me though… you know that.”</p><p>“You think I’m mad about having to be here with you?” She echoed in disbelief.</p><p>“Why else would you be mad?”</p><p>He was pouting at her, doing his whole I-don't-understand-what-you-humans-are-going-on-about look.</p><p>“Lucifer, this has to stop.” She sighed, “You… you hurting yourself like this is not okay! I’m mad because… because I care about you! Seeing you hurt like this is too much. You don’t deserve this.<em> No one does.</em> I’m not mad at you or at having to be here or whatever. I’m mad because your delusions… you just can’t catch a break, can you?”</p><p>“I don’t understand.” He shrugged, closing his eyes again.</p><p>Of course he didn’t. He was more concerned with seeing her mad than he was concerned with bleeding out himself. Figures.</p><p>She had to get to work.</p><p>This place had to have a first aid kit somewhere. It was less of a room more of a tiny apartment after all. Was it? No.</p><p>
  <em>Focus, Decker.</em>
</p><p>Lucifer had smuggled a lot of alcohol here too and she’d pretended that she hadn’t noticed. There were some towels in the bathroom. She still had that knife. Maybe she would find hot water too. Did the heater work?</p><p>“Lucifer, do you think we can get you to that bed over there?”</p><p>“Detective, you should leave.” He muttered, “I’m fine.”</p><p>“You’re going to pass out.” She corrected, “And you have no idea how close I am to calling an ambulance.”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>“I wouldn’t, you dumbass!” She yelled, “Why do you care about that more than… literally everything going on here?”</p><p>“Humans can’t have proof of the divine.” He informed her, “I can’t go to a human hospital! Not that I need to…”</p><p>She closed her eyes, fighting with the burning wetness behind her eyelids. How far gone was Lucifer? Was this her fault? Should she have somehow noticed?</p><p>Maybe she should have paid more attention to him. Maybe she should have gotten him the help he needed. Maybe she should have at least found a way to stop him from doing this.</p><p>Several times. How could she not have noticed? He showed up to work every day. He’d said that “his wings grew back” after he came back from the desert a few weeks ago. Had he been “cutting them off” every single day since then? How long was it before they “grew back” anyway?</p><p>She was way out of her depth here.</p><p>She lo-</p><p>She cared about him though. That would hopefully be enough.</p><p>“Do you think that we could get you to that bed over there?” She asked again, stroking the side of his face.</p><p>“The one night I don’t really feel up to fulfilling carnal desires, Detective? Seriously?” He whined, “That feels nice, darling. Don’t stop…”He was really out of it.</p><p>In the end, Chloe decided that not moving him would be for the best. The wounds looked like they were a little better. Maybe they’d stopped bleeding? Besides, Lucifer was heavy. He was also in no state of mind to cooperate with her.</p><p>She started simple, recalling all the hours of basic training she had under her belt. She disinfected, cleaned, and disinfected again. Occasionally, she’d stroke the patch of almost unblemished skin between the wounds, muttering her apologies in response to the distressed noises Lucifer was making.</p><p>It was remarkable though.</p><p>She’d imagined screaming or thrashing or something… more. Instead, all Lucifer did was flinch or wince in pain. A whimper was the loudest noise that escaped his lips.</p><p>Considered the background he’d just given her about himself, that only served to make Chloe’s worry grow exponentially. There were far too many thoughts in her head and far too little thoughts at once; everything was too quiet and too loud.</p><p>This was supposed to be a regular night. Nothing out of order. A basic undercover operation. Now that she thought about it, Chloe was almost certain that they had blown everything they’d worked for.</p><p>Well, maybe a newly married couple turning on the lights in the dead-of-the-night-a.m. wasn’t that abnormal to whoever had been watching. Chloe didn’t know. She didn’t care either.</p><p>Lucifer apparently self-harmed regularly. Lucifer was so scared of his father and his father’s manipulations that he did this to himself and no one knew.</p><p>No one helped.</p><p>She hadn’t known and she hadn’t helped.</p><p>It wasn’t her fault. Chloe knew that. Lucifer was the master of pretending to be okay and running from his feelings. She had her own life and her own problems and responsibilities. It wasn’t her job to analyze everything he did. She hadn’t known and that wasn’t her fault.</p><p>Why did it feel like it was then?</p><p>“Detective?”</p><p>“Hmm?” He could still talk. He was still awake. Wow.</p><p>“I’m tired.”</p><p>“I know.” She was sure that he wouldn’t be letting her do this otherwise. Typical Lucifer. Would he regret this in the morning? Probably. She stroked his back, her heart breaking at how the simple contact seemed to get him to relax.</p><p>“I have some good news though.”</p><p>“And what’s that?” She mused. Good news would be exactly what she needed.</p><p>“You don’t have to leave.” He seemed proud of the declaration, “I used Mazikeen’s demon knives to cut them off.” He continued, voice hardly above a whisper, “I don’t think your presence affects the healing of i-injuries of that type. I still think you should go. No use in you seeing me be all… pathetic.”</p><p>“You’re not pathetic.” She scolded. He just needed help. Telling him that seemed like a disastrous idea. She settled for carding a hand through his hair, tossing the fifth strip of blood-soaked fabric to the corner.</p><p>“Am so.” He shook his head, “But it’s going to be worth it.” He smiled.</p><p>“Worth it?”</p><p>“Maybe this is what it takes for them to go… away. For good.” He explained, “I don’t care about the pain or the e-embarrassment of this if that’s the end result. I just want them gone, Detective. Please make them go away…” </p><p>She felt guilty.</p><p>Lucifer would have never said that. Not to her. He wasn’t shy when it came to talking about his “wings” and his various other delusions, but the broken edge his voice took and the sheer multitude of pain and grief embedded in every word of his confession was too much.</p><p>Lucifer would have never said that. Never. Was she taking advantage of him?</p><p>“It’s going to be okay.” She told him, swallowing past the ache in her throat, “It’s going to be fine, Lucifer. We’ll figure this out.”</p><p>“What if they come back?”</p><p>He sounded horrified. He reminded her of Trixie back when she was five and she’d accidentally watched a horror movie clip in secret. She’d cried every night, whimpering about the monsters in the darkness coming to get her.</p><p>Lucifer wasn’t a five year old kid.</p><p>Hearing that much fear in voice… trying to understand what it all meant… trying to piece together an image of his psyche and an impression of how he though…</p><p>It was disturbing.</p><p>“I’ll help you.” She promised, stroking his neck this time, hoping to relax him. The water in the tiny bowl she’d found in a lonely cupboard in the kitchen was getting cold. She should really continue her impromptu medical work, but Chloe couldn’t get herself to stop trying to offer him any comfort she could. “Anything you need, Lucifer.”</p><p>“You’ll help me cut them off?” He asked, perking up in an instant, seemingly getting some of his energy back just by the power of her words, “It’s a bit hard reaching my back, frankly, and I would appreciate your help, Detective! Never thought you’d be the one to help me…”</p><p>Too much.</p><p>
  <em>That was too much.</em>
</p><p>“No.” He suddenly exclaimed, deflating, “You can’t.”</p><p>Well, duh.</p><p>“Why not?” She asked, wanting to understand him despite how she doubted she would ever come close to doing that.</p><p>“I can’t show you my real wings if they come back!” He whispered, “Detective, that’s not how I want you to find out! They’re not me. I’m not an angel anymore. I can’t. Detective, I can’t-”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay.” She soothed, “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about it. It’s fine, Lucifer.”</p><p>He seemed to relax a little bit at that.</p><p>“I’m glad you don’t know.” He whispered a few minutes later when she was busy trying to wash his back for the third time, “You’d hate me.”</p><p>“I would never hate you, Lucifer.”</p><p>“Yes, you would.” He argued, “If you ever truly believed what I am… Don’t think I can bear that though, Detective.”</p><p>There it was again; something he would have never told her. Lucifer was never this honest. She was worrying about him more and more. It was partially because of the implications of everything he said and partially because of the fact that he was saying all those things in the first place.</p><p>She’d wanted to understand how the mind of Lucifer Morningstar worked for years now. This was never what she meant though.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it.” She repeated.</p><p>Lucifer didn’t seem to relax when he heard that. Chloe tried to convince herself that it was because he wasn’t listening in the first place. He’d missed out on a lot of the things he'd said while she’d been cleaning his back.</p><p>Chloe wished she’d been better at lying to herself.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*cries in Deckerstar*</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>By the time she was done, Lucifer had fallen asleep. She wasn’t scared that he wouldn’t wake up anymore which made Chloe grateful to see him asleep. The wounds weren't <em>too </em>bad now.</p><p>She wasn’t sure that she could take another confession. Besides, he looked like he needed the rest.</p><p>Wrapping him up in bandages had been a bit tricky, especially since she’d made the bandages herself from a shirt in his duffle bag. Two of his shirts were ruined tonight; Lucifer was going to be pissed off in the morning.</p><p>Oh well.</p><p>She’d cleaned up the best she could after getting him to bed. That hadn’t been as difficult as she’d imagined after she was done. It had taken some struggling, but it was worth it. She’d never known that walking five feet could take that much time though.</p><p>Lucifer was okay. He was asleep, snoring. His wounds weren’t bleeding anymore. It was amazing.</p><p>
  <em>“Supernatural healing…”</em>
</p><p>No. She wouldn’t believe that. It was the sight of all the blood that had made everything look a thousand times worse.</p><p>Lucifer didn’t have supernatural healing. That was stupid. Of course it was.</p><p>An hour passed and she couldn’t find anything else to do. Everything was clean and back to normal. She’d already checked on Lucifer a hundred times. He wasn’t bleeding out.</p><p>He wasn’t okay though.</p><p>However, if she continued thinking about that, Chloe was sure that she was going to go insane herself.</p><p>The strange room was suffocating. It was the last place she would have picked for something like this. She was sure that she should be glad that she’d learned more about Lucifer; that she could help him more now at some point. For now though, she was feeling too much to be able to properly rationalize everything.</p><p>That was why the lights were turned off again and she was back to crouching by the window. Their “mission” seemed ridiculous now, but Chloe could use a good distraction. Maybe she would even find something.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*cries in Deckerstar*</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>An hour later, Chloe was losing her mind.</p><p>Nothing was happening.Lucifer was mumbling in his sleep in a language she couldn’t understand and snoring.</p><p>To think that he called<em> her</em> an albanian field wench.</p><p>She was half-convinced that he was just annoying her on purpose.</p><p>Maybe they shouldn’t have done this. The case seemed to have hit more dead ends than anyone could possibly get over. Maybe they should just hand the case over to Narcotics.</p><p>Was that giving up?</p><p>She stopped her pacing and returned to the window, trying to get herself to focus. She was a detective. Lucifer was okay (as okay as can be). It was time to focus on the case.</p><p>The boring case.</p><p>
  <em>Nothing was happening!</em>
</p><p>She glared at Lucifer, blaming him partially for this. She was relatively good at suffering through stakeouts. This was more of a stakeout of sorts. Had he ruined that by his constant, endless whining about how boring stakeouts were?</p><p>It was nice to focus on that instead of focusing on all the blood. She didn’t think that she was going to get the mental image of Lucifer using Maze’s curved knives to slice up his own back out of her mind any time soon.</p><p>How did that work?</p><p>With Lucifer, she was always missing too many pieces to make sense of what was going on. Whenever she felt that he was finally about to let her in, he went and told her more lies about being the “devil”.</p><p>Maybe it wasn’t a lie though. It couldn’t be a lie when he believed it himself.</p><p>Chloe groaned. This was getting her nowhere.</p><p>Another two hours paced by, slow and tortuous. Chloe refilled her mug of coffee more times than she could count. She was so tired.</p><p>This was stupid. They weren’t going to get anything on their suspect, probably because he had nothing to do with the case.</p><p>It was about a quarter to six in the morning when it finally happened.</p><p>Chloe was sure that it was a stroke of luck. </p><p>She was thinking about how she would talk to Lucifer about everything that had happened in the past few hours. She was considering talking to Linda and even getting Lucifer to stay at her place for a while. Trixie adored him. He was even on friendly terms with Dan. Self-harm was a serious issue and they needed to talk.</p><p>She couldn’t just ignore this.</p><p>Somehow, amid her spiraling thoughts, Chloe saw it.</p><p>Their possible next victim was about to leave.</p><p>He walked out of the tiny room next door, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He seemed at ease. Anyone seeing him wouldn’t have suspected a thing.</p><p>Chloe didn’t.</p><p>From the corner of her eye, she saw someone creeping up behind him. Quiet, easy...</p><p>It was all too perfect.</p><p>The moment she saw the glint of a gun in the darkness outside, Chloe sprung to her feet. She had her gun in her hands before she could even think about getting it. Her exhaustion seemed to evaporate, the adrenaline coursing through her system more than enough to rejuvenate her.</p><p>“LAPD!”</p><p>She could have used her partner. Lucifer was asleep. It wasn’t that she blamed him for being asleep, but really now…</p><p>The suspect froze which seemed too easy. The victim, a college student in his twenties, almost got held as a hostage.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>He got away, running as fast as he could all the way down the street and into an alleyway. Shots echoed in the quiet of the night, fear making Chloe shiver despite how balmy LA nights usually were.</p><p>The “killer” had their gun pointed at her. They were trembling though. Maybe it would be an easy arrest for once?</p><p>“You don’t have to do any of this.” Chloe warned, using the voice she reserved for people doing rash choices, “</p><p>She was not sure if a shootout is what she wanted. The killer didn’t seem intent on it either. Maybe they knew that resisting would be pointless?</p><p>Chloe could almost see the moment that changed though.</p><p>In a second, she prepared herself to duck and shoot. </p><p>None of that was necessary. A moment and then the next and Lucifer was there.</p><p>He threw the suspect to the grimy wall on the far side with more force than necessary, literally cracking it. Chloe’s ears were ringing.</p><p>She could hardly focus on anything case-related though, not when she saw Lucifer’s back.</p><p>Lucifer’s uninjured back. </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*cries in Deckerstar*</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>“Lucifer!” She called out the moment the elevator dinged open, “We need to talk!”</p><p>She was exhausted.</p><p>She just wanted to go home and sleep for no less than half the day. Was that too much to ask for? Lucifer had practically ran away, leaving her to call for backup and make the arrest. She hadn't even started on the paperwork yet...</p><p>She couldn’t ignore what she’d seen though. </p><p>She’d spent hours cleaning those wounds and taking care of them. They were positively horrific. Chloe was sure that she would have nightmares about what happened in that room for ages. Her hands still smelled like blood.<em> His blood.</em></p><p>Yet, when he’d threatened that man and when he’d made his way out of that crime scene, Lucifer’s back had been unblemished.</p><p>Chloe was sick of all the mysteries and all the lies. She was sick of this invisible wall between her and her partner. It was funny how they were both content to dance around the line separating their relationship from what it could be before. Now though, Chloe wanted answers.</p><p>She’d be damned if she didn’t get them.</p><p>“Lucifer!”</p><p>The penthouse was empty and quiet. It was dark. She found the shirt Lucifer had hastily slung over his shoulders discarded on the crowd. Vagurley, Chloe hoped that she wasn’t about to walk in on him in the middle of…</p><p>Oh, who was she kidding?</p><p>This wa<em>s Lucifer.</em></p><p>She still had hope though and she wasn’t leaving without answers. Not this time.</p><p>“Lucifer!”</p><p>She heard something clatter in the direction of where Lucifer’s extravagant bathroom was. Well, shower sex was a thing but… answers. She wanted- needed- answers.</p><p>“Lucifer!”</p><p>More clattering and banging. The shower sex theory seemed unlikely. Knowing Lucifer, he would’ve just invited her to join. This sounded like someone was… hiding something?</p><p>Chloe had no idea where that thought came from.</p><p>The moment it did though, Lucifer’s voice rang in her head.</p><p>
  <em>I’m going to keep cutting them off until they stop growing back and Dad leaves me alone...</em>
</p><p>“Lucifer!”</p><p>She might have overreacted when she practically barged in like that, but Chloe didn’t care. Not just then though. The worst that would have happened was probably a very awkward situation. With Lucifer though… Well, he had no shame and she’d seen him naked more than enough times.</p><p>Besides, he was <em>her partner.</em></p><p>“Detective!” Lucifer squeaked indignantly, eyes wide.</p><p>He was standing in front of his ridiculously huge mirrors, dressed in pants and nothing more. Lucifer looked a little guilty and a little terrified. It was not detectable for any normal person, but Chloe knew him more than enough.</p><p>“Are you okay?” She cleared her throat, cursing herself for the way her determination seemed to evaporate.</p><p>“Yes.” Lucifer laughed, “Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>That was the confirmation she needed.</p><p>She marched towards him, the several meters separating them and the funny look on his face seeming like the longest they’d ever been apart. Chloe gripped his shoulders and turned him around, gentle yet firm.</p><p>Again, unharmed skin.</p><p>Well, sort of unharmed skin.</p><p>There was a long gash extending from the tip of his shoulder to the center of his upper back. It was bleeding sluggishly, not too deep or threatening.</p><p>Chloe trembled, tracing the soft skin with her hands, needing some kind of proof that this was actually real.</p><p>It wasn’t a trick of the light. It wasn’t make up. It wasn’t anything other than the fact that Lucifer Morningstar had somehow miraculously healed.</p><p>“Detective?” Lucifer whined, “What on earth are you doing?”</p><p>It was then that she realized that Lucifer hadn’t pulled away. A soft voice in her ear whispered <em>“Don’t… please…”</em>; a memory from so long ago. There was no hand gripping her wrist though and despite the vulnerability that was heavy in the air, it was of a different kind entirely.</p><p>“I want an explanation.” Chloe demanded, letting him go, “I’m worried about you, Lucifer. Please… I’m way out of my depth here and I just want to help.”</p><p>“There is nothing for you to help with, Detective, because nothing is wrong in the first place.”</p><p>“Really?” She snorted, “What were you doing before I showed up?”</p><p>“Well, darling, before you rudely barged in, I was planning on having a shower.”</p><p>“Right.” She bit her lip, “Lucifer, I’m worried about you.”</p><p>“And so you keep saying.” He scoffed, “There is nothing for you to worry about, Detective. Go home and rest.”</p><p>“Were you going to… to cut your wings off? Again?”</p><p>The sentence sounded weird coming out of her mouth. </p><p>“Are you going to lecture me about self-harm?” He rolled his eyes, turning away from her to rummage through the insane amount of bottles on his counter, “I’ve already heard that lecture from Doctor Linda several times so no thank you.”</p><p>So, Linda knew. Linda was letting him do this?</p><p>“Detective, this isn’t something you can understand.” He sighed, struggling to find his words, “I wish I could make you understand, but I-I can’t.”</p><p>“Because you’re afraid?”</p><p>Lucifer didn’t say anything for a while.</p><p>“I don’t want you to hate me.” He whispered eventually, eyes fixed on the floor. Something had changed between them, hadn’t it? “My true side… I can’t, Detective. Not you. Never you.”</p><p>The pictures came to her head before she could stop them.</p><p>Back when she’d been bleeding out, the reflection of a disturbing face far away but close enough to be discerned…</p><p>Every single time Lucifer used his “strength”. The “blood bags” and the whole fiasco with Malcolm. The red eyes. The suspects confessing and going insane.</p><p>His mojo.</p><p>The unblemished skin of his back.</p><p>That day in Ella’s lab… He wasn’t joking. Maybe he hadn’t thought that he was joking. There was something more though and she was not leaving before finding it.</p><p>She was not going to allow her best friend to suffer alone anymore.</p><p>“Again, I’m never going to hate you.” She gave him a small smile, taking his hands in hers.</p><p>Lucifer looked at their joined hands, an immeasurable wave of sadness washing over his face.</p><p>“I’m the <em>devil.</em>” He sighed, pulling away despite how the action seemed to hurt him, “How will you ever deal with that, Detective?”</p><p>“You’re my partner.” Chloe retorted, “My best friend. My<em> incredibly weird</em> best friend. Nothing is going to change that.”</p><p>Lucifer didn’t say anything to that. He seemed to be waiting for her to leave, almost as if she was just going to talk and talk and then turn on her heels and head out.</p><p>He had no idea.</p><p>“Prove it to me.” Chloe challenged.</p><p>“I can’t.” Lucifer laughed, bittersweet and merciless, “The only proof I have at the moment is… They’re not me, Detective.”</p><p>
  <em>The wings.</em>
</p><p>“The devil is also an angel.<em> Was</em> an angel.” She corrected herself before Lucifer could, “Can someone really lose a part of who they are like that?”</p><p>She had no idea if she was the one talking in metaphors now. Somewhere in her chest, Chloe knew that none of this mattered. Wings or no wings, he was still Lucifer. <em>Her Lucifer.</em></p><p>“They’re not me anymore!” Lucifer shouted.</p><p>Chloe startled, not expecting his outburst. Lucifer closed his eyes and let out a long breath, visibly trying to calm down.</p><p>“Apologies, Detective.”</p><p>They were silent for a long time after that. It seemed to be happening more and more; they’d talk and they’d argue and then they’d reach a stalemate. Neither of them would ever leave though.</p><p>“You were just going to do it weren’t you… cut your wings off?” Chloe whispered at last. The lonely cut on his back...</p><p>Lucifer looked at her helplessly.</p><p>“You said you’d never lie to me, Lucifer.” She persisted, “Simple question; were you or were you not about to cut your wings off before I showed up?”</p><p>She tried to keep her words as clear as possible, fearing his insane ability to find loopholes and creative ways to avoid the truth.</p><p>She must have done an exemplary job of it though because Lucifer just nodded, defeated.</p><p>“They grew back sometime after you left.” He explained, head ducked, “It was why I woke up, Detective. It is why my back is healed.”</p><p>The truth. She just wanted the truth. Would she ever get it?</p><p>“Just… don’t cut them off.” Chloe whispered at last, “Don’t hurt yourself. Please, Lucifer.”</p><p>“I can’t.” He shook his head, “Detective, you don’t understand. They’re not a part of me anymore.”</p><p>“They’re still… connected to you. You’ll still bleed if you cut them off. It will still hurt."</p><p>“What’s a little pain to someone like the devil, Detective?”</p><p>He was smiling, almost as though that last statement was meant to reassure her.</p><p>“It wasn’t a little pain.” She argued, “I was afraid you were going to die!”</p><p>“No one asked you to be!” Lucifer fired back, “No one asked you to care for me or to… to love me! If you knew what was good for you, Detective, you’d leave me and you’d never look back.”</p><p>“Is that what you really think?”</p><p>At his small nod, Chloe felt something break inside of her.</p><p>Lucifer’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears, his expression an eternal manifestation of what it meant to hurt.</p><p>Every single word was killing him and yet, there he was, shouting them at her face.</p><p>There was one thing Chloe could do after hearing all of that. She marched towards him, afraid but determined. Within a second, she’d cupped his face and dragged him down for a kiss.</p><p>Lucifer seemed to panic.</p><p>A moment or two passed and Chloe wondered if she had just single-handedly murdered their relationship. Perhaps this had all been too much too soon. The sight of his back had awakened something within her though and Chloe realized that she was done hiding.</p><p>However, eventually, Lucifer relaxed and returned her kiss.</p><p>It went on for what must have been ages. Minutes? Hours? Chloe had no clue. Time might have as well been a myth as she stood there, trying to make the devil understand the true extent of her feelings towards him.</p><p>When they finally broke apart, Lucifer was looking at her with nothing short of wonder in his eyes. He looked afraid, awed, and… had she broken him?</p><p>“Detective…” He sighed, gulping.</p><p>She opened her mouth to say something; to try and find a way to explain what had just happened.</p><p>Chloe didn’t need to.</p><p>She was staring at her partner one moment and the next her vision was obscured by a field of white.</p><p>The feathers appeared out of nowhere. They were beautiful and iridescent. She’d never understood the meaning of words like “holy” and “divine” until this strange occurrence.</p><p>“No!” Lucifer cried out, staring at the wings as if they had personally betrayed him.</p><p>They might have as well done that.</p><p>So much for proof of divinity.</p><p>So much for the truth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote something similar for the "premature unfurling" thing before, but it is one of my favourite possibilities ever. Just imagine!</p><p>Oh, if you have any prompts to suggest, just let me know! 56 days until s5a...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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